| Happy in Helltown |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|05:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Guster - "Happier" | ] |
I never thought I'd say this, but I am really happy being in Haverhill this summer...well so far at least. It's totally unexpected, but everything is just falling into place in my life since I've been home which is so awesome. I don't mind working as much because of people at work, and I'm not nearly as bored as I thought I was gonna be since I've been kinda dating this awesome guy.
Of course, my last entry talked about how I met someone back at school...well disregard him. Not really in the picture anymore I guess. I love how things can change so quickly. I'm finally happy, which wasn't always an accomplishment...but now it is. At this point, summer can't be long enough. |
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| Summer Update |
[May. 24th, 2005|11:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gavin Degraw - "Chariot" | ] |
Alright, well since it is summer, I decided that I will finally update my LJ so that all you out there will finally be caught up with my life. I am now a junior at Umass Amherst (well, a junior based on how many years I've been at the school...I'm technically a second-semester junior on credits), I am home in Haverhill, MA now until September 1 when I move back to help out with ComCol's Labor Day Orientation, which I did last year, but I am much more excited about this year because I know so many people doing it this year. Next year I am taking ALL science classes because I am boycotting history, so I get to take physics 131, chem 112, bio 280 (evolution), bio 283H (honors genetics), and bio 285 (cell and molecular). Hopefully, Igor and I will be able to walk into a Dean's Book class too because they are reading a book on genetics and that is something we both might actually enjoy.
Now that you know my academic life, now let's hit the social scene. Next year I am rooming with Carolyn in 707 Dickinson which is gonna be awesome. I spent so much time on the 7th floor of Dickinson this past year that it just made sense to move back there and also to room with my roomie (and Llama) from freshman year. Of course, making this possible was not easy. I had to drive back on Thursday of finals (I was out on Tuesday) just to sign the roomate pull-in slip, but it was worth it. Brian and Dan are down the hall which is cool because I hang out with them a lot too. I think it will be a good year.
This past year was a little shaky at times...mostly spring semester, but in the end, I think it all worked itself out, and the summer will give a lot of us time to relax, have no drama, and come back ready to be together again. I did meet someone at the end of the year that has some potential for a future member of the group...well, we shall see how that works out. Everyone really likes him though, and of course I do too, so I'm gonna try my hardest to make that happen.
My brother is graduating high school next week, so it's gonna be crazy around my house, so I'm gonna be really busy. But I am looking forward to summer, my trip to Vegas in July, and returning back to the Zoo and seeing what happens. Junior year is almost here! |
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| Update finally... |
[Mar. 28th, 2005|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nonpoint - Past It All | ] |
I was inspired by Stef to finally update since it's been over a month since I wrote anything at all. Let's see...I was at the party at Theta Chi for Matt last night, but had to leave early cus I was sick. Don't get too alarmed, because I don't have a virus or anything...it's all psychsomatic. I've been worrying a lot. Mostly about one part of my life, and its draining emotionally, and now physically. I really can't take it much longer. People keep giving me advice, but it's not as easy to do as it sounds, and sometimes their advice is conflicting. Thing is, that if I give up on this as a way to release all the stress, I end up breaking the group sorta and losing one of my really close friends. It's not an easy decision by any means. It's probably not as big a deal as I am making it out to be, but after dealing with this for like 100 days...you just start to wonder if it will ever be fixed, and if it's important enough to you to have to continue to deal with the stress, the tears, the sick feeling in your stomach, and the tension. I haven't thrown in the towel yet, but at times I really consider it. Sad thing is that I can't imagine my life at school without this person in it. It just wouldn't be right. Well, he would still be around, but not really as a close friend but more so as someone I know. It's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with at school. I'm losing hope with each passing day that things don't get better. I need a sign of what to do, and fast. |
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| Stepping aside... |
[Feb. 23rd, 2005|05:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jay-Z - "December 4th" | ] |
Sometimes words can't describe what is really going on. Or sometimes, maybe its that you don't wanna let people know what goes on behind the scenes. Probably more of the latter...but I guess everyone needs a break sometimes so they can recooperate and go back to how everything is, no matter if they want this break or not. It's weird, but this is the decision I have made. Jay-Z is so theraputic, haha. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|04:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No Doubt - "Sixteen" | ] |
It's been one hell-ish week. Way too much drama, but thankfully I think everything has finally sorted itself out once and for all. The real test will be when everyone comes back on Monday, or even over the weekend depending on the AIM addictions, haha. I'm confident that the worst is behind us both, and that we will be able to work back to how we used to be. |
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| Screwed |
[Feb. 13th, 2005|12:06 am] |
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It's all over. I'll explain later. |
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| Worst weekend ever! |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | T.I. feat Jay-Z - "Bring Em Out" | ] |
This weekend sucked royally. Friday night...got stood up by my friend Robbie, who came up to Umass but got so wasted that he didn't call me. Got really pissed off at Dan on Friday night also. Another guy wanted to hook up with me, but I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be right, plus Dan doesn't like him and Dan usually has good judgement of people and even though I was really mad at Dan, I had to listen to him. Saturday I went to the Holyoke mall to get my mom's birthday present, talked to Robbie and he explained what happened, but I was still pissed about that...then that night Dan came over to talk about why I was mad at him, and then Mindy and Ryan stopped by and we hung out until Kerri called and we went over to Webster. It was fun at Webster...Dan went to the party with me, which ended up being a very good thing because I got soooo trashed that I wouldn't have made it back alone. Got sick so much that I think I lost weight cus of it. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But yea, it was fun...but I got so sick that it was gross. Then today, I got up at 12pm, went to brunch, and came back to Dan and Brian's room and watched 3 movies. What a weekend...that I'd like to pretend never happened. |
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| It's my turn... |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kelly Clarkson - "You Found Me" | ] |
This semester, I am following in the footsteps of my good friend, Mindy. I have a real live psych/bio boy!! It's so funny that she had Igor as her "psych/bio boy" and they ended up dating and the guy I think is GORGEOUS is in my bio class and psych class. SOOO funny! Saw my friend Lizzie today from helltown, and I hadn't seen her since last spring cus she went to Spain for the semester. It's good to see helltowners at school cus it's like we're family cus we all survived hhs. What else?? Oh, Mindy told me I might be able to have my b-day party at theta chi, which would be very cool, and much more spacious. I hope it works out!! Tomorrow night is the OC, then Friday night i'm going out with the girls to the frats, Robbie might visit...then Saturday we're hittin' up the Holyoke Mall for some serious shopping. Sounds like an awesome weekend to me. Classes went well today, I won't have to have lab on my birthday, and I only have one class tomorrow. This is simply fabulous... |
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| I don't wanna be the sloppy seconds... |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|09:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ER on tv | ] |
Okay get this...the guy I like (who yes, I know he has a gf)...talked to me about the OC tonight. AND he admitted that he thought the first season wasn't bad, better than the second season. It's not fair. Also...the gf, who I already know has the same crazy designer purse addiction as me, is also addicted to the OC as much as me cus she also has the first season DVD. I swear...I sound a lot like this gf of his. Carolyn said that that could be a reason why he flirts with me, cus I remind him of his gf, but I see that as a bad thing. First off, I don't picture him with a girl like me because he doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Now I could be wrong, because he seems really sweet, but looks all tough, so it's confusing. My theory though was that if you break up with someone, you wouldn't wanna date someone just like them. One last theory is that I would give him no good reason to break up with the gf cus I'm so similar there is no point to end something he already has. Ahhh life's not fair!!!! |
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| This is gonna be a semester to remember... |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|08:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Snoop & JT - "Signs" | ] |
Back to the Zoo in 6 days...I'm excited. The day after that my crew is gonna party it up, and Robbie said he's gonna be coming up to Umass then so he asked for my cell # so he can call me and hang out. Yay! A few days later its back to Helltown to celebrate my b-day with the family, then back to the Zoo for hopefully an awesome week and Thirsty Thursday (which I'm planning on inviting some Helltowners to, cus I want lots of ppl there). Talked to Brian today, and once spring comes, its back to skipping afternoon classes to play catch on the hill like last year. Spring 2005 is gonna be awesome, I can just feel it!!! |
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| Brought back to reality with the dreaded gf bomb... |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|03:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Michelle Branch - "Empty Handed" | ] |
I'm back from Florida for one day, on cloud nine because not only do I have a rockin' tan, but also a brand new Coach bag, and boom! I am forced back down to earth. I find out that I have no hours at work (which I need to pay off the new purse) so I go into work today to discuss this. Okay, problem solved, I have hours now which is great. Then I notice Robbie is working over in dairy. So, I go over and start talking and it's cool. Until he drops the gf bomb that is. We're just having a normal conversation, and I mention that I really need to work to pay off my purse, and he asked how much is was and I tell him, and he says, "Yeah, my girlfriend...", something, I really wasn't listening once I heard "my girlfriend" cus I was kinda in a state of shock. I mean he definitely flirted with me. Uhhh...that's not cool! So now I don't know what to do...prob nothing except just keep in touch once I go back to school and see if that girl ever gets out of the picture. Hey, a girl can dream! Other than that, I found out another cool Helltowner is going to the Zoo this semester, so that's good. He's a really nice guy, so I hope I get to see him around campus. But yea, guys still suck, and I get to work with Robbie tomorrow and Saturday. Oh joy...I just gotta build the friendship for now I guess. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is just preventing me from getting involved in something that isn't meant to happen...or maybe just not yet. A lot can change between now and summer.
Why can't Valentine's Day be months and months away rather than just one month away? Looks like I'm still gonna be single on that dreaded day of the year. Oh well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|11:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Avril Lavigne - "Losing Grip" | ] |
Tomorrow at this time, I will be in warm weather...
part of me is thrilled. I mean, I truly believe that I was meant to live in the south, and I haven't been to Florida in a year and I miss it so much. I will be able to sit on the beach, soak up the sun, and miss the worst day of the whole work year: inventory. I've been counting down to this day since I found out I was going.
part of me doesn't want to go. I'm missing a night out with my boys from work, who are going to a strip club to celebrate Eric's 18th birthday. As much as I wouldn't wanna go see girls get naked...I do wanna hang out with Robbie, who told me I should definitely go. But I can't cus I'm gonna be in Florida. Also, I don't have a ton of time before I have to go back to Umass, and I wanna get to hang out with Robbie before I go back and see what happens...if he agrees to it. Sooo much to do in about 2 weeks...
Figures that whenever I'm home, I want to go back. When I leave home, I want to stay. Life's so not fair sometimes. |
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| 2005, please be kind... |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|07:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Imogen Heap - "Goodnight and Go" | ] |
Happy New Year everyone! 2005 has already started slow, but I think this could actually be a decent year. As a recap, 2004 was pretty chock-full of drama, and hopefully the changing of the year will erase all that from my life once and for all. January of last year I found out my trip to Florida was cancelled, my jerk ex-bf was being even more of an asshole than usual (which is when he earned the nickname "Asscrack Fever" by Carolyn), and lucky me I got to have another class with him at Umass. Life was not so good for me. I hardly ever partied because...I wasn't myself. 2004 didn't start well at all. But by May, things started to pick up. I finally got over the asscrack, and found someone new..or so I thought. Nooope, I struck out. But that was alright, because we ended up being friends through it all, and that was cool. Summer was good...went to Vegas and Montreal, found out I did very well in my Spring courses, and got promoted at work (finally). Things were on the up and up! Well, then school happened. And that new friendship ended very quickly, and hindered my social life a little (I could have killed that person...well, not literally of course) which was not cool at all. Things were slow, I hated my classes and major so I finally became a Bio major like I wanted in the first place. But of course, drama is always with me. Hooked up with the guy across the hall from Carolyn, and now I have to see him all the time which is just grreat (note the sarcasm). Also, I had a few stalkers (one from facebook, the other I have no idea), which added to my exciting life, haha. Oddly enough, the second stalker started up a friendship that I had lost. Weird... Anyways, I got mono, was out of school for about a month total, and when I came back it was awesome. Met this cool guy, thought he was the next one in line for me, but nooope. Wrong again...damn yankees fans. When will I learn?? I still talk to him though, so it's all good. Didn't take me long to find some drama, cus I was lacking. Had a crazy weekend I will never forget, and now it has led up to where I am now. Confused, and still in the drama. 2005, please be kind...and make me successful for once in the romance dept., okay???
Florida on Friday morning...St. Pete Beach to catch some rays. It's much needed!
Oh, and if anyone can find the lyrics to Dirty Vegas - "Closer", I'd much appreciate it. |
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| Let It Die... |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|11:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Feist - "Let It Die" | ] |
I've been in some interesting situations, but I think the one I'm in now tops them all. Can I ever go a week without drama? A day? An hour??? I'm so sick of it!!! Way to go Meg...you've done it yet again. Best to extinguish the flame before it turns into a wild fire. |
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| Luck is a lady tonight... |
[Dec. 28th, 2004|10:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers - "Smile Like You Mean It" | ] |
I cannot believe my luck! Two incredible events today:
1) There was this extremely sexy black Shelli Segal dress that I wanted back in late October...maybe earlier, I can't remember at Marshall's, but it was $70 and I didn't have the money for it and my mom thought it was too risque. Today I randomly go to the Marshall's and there is the dress on clearance for $36! I am getting it for my birthday...and I can't wait.
2) My parents come back from my brother's basketball game with a Dunkin' Donuts hot chocolate (my fave) and tell me that the Florida trip of mine that I thought was cancelled is back on! I leave on January 7th!
I do believe this calls for a shopping celebration...and maybe a new swimsuit for my trip. This is awesome!!! :D |
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| I do NOT like Seth Cohen. I can't like Seth Cohen. He's like...Seth Cohen! |
[Dec. 28th, 2004|08:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Carole King - "Wil You Love Me Tomorrow" | ] |
I feel as if finally when it comes to crushes, love, and guys...I am finally in wayyy over my head. It all seems so crazy how it even got to this point. I can't rationalize it, and I certainly can't understand it. It's like I'm living in a dream I might have - where my friends are all in it, but the storyline is so illogical that I completely write it off as a crazy dream. Problem is that it isn't a dream, and as a result, I can't write it off. Maybe this is how it really is...
It's funny how things happen. I had a few flashbacks to the very beginning of last year when everyone was moving in and getting to know each other. I had already found my first potential bf, but yet there was someone who always caught my attention, mostly because he reminded me of my friend Mike from home. Mike had been my senior year crush...and was one of my close guy friends who I still stayed in touch with. But this guy kinda looked like him, and I suppose acted like him a little, so I often caught myself wanting to call him, "Mike." Then I flashed back to other events and moments of last year and how everything played out. Over the summer I didn't give it any thought at all..."Mike" was just my friend and that's all I really ever wanted. Well, maybe it had crossed my mind a few times, but it was never anything serious. I never seriously considered it at all. Ever.
So this year of course I saw "Mike" and things were just as cool as ever. Same old, same old...always there for me just like the real Mike was...heard all my guy drama, gave me advice, and was just an awesome friend, like all my guy friends are. But then something happened. Something that I never talk about, something that I keep to myself. And now "Mike" doesn't mean the same to me as he had before. It's different now, and I don't want to admit that to anyone else. It's all too complicated...and it's a dream that I want to wake up from. I mean...it's "Mike"...I cannot possibly think this way!
Oh god. I sound like Summer once she realized she liked Seth Cohen on Caleb's yacht. How interesting...I'm gonna leave this story for now. I've got a headache just thinking about it. Ahhhh...I'm sooo confused - as I have been a lot recently. |
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| But I still haven't found what I'm looking for... |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|08:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2 - "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" | ] |
Over Christmas dinner, I sat down and had a conversation with my aunt about life in general. It started out as about college, and how I should be happy being at Umass, because I was there for a reason. I was wait-listed at Holy Cross and never accepted for a reason...so that I could attend Umass. Over and over I had been complaining about how my brother was most likely going to get the opportunity to attend a better college than me, even though our grades are practically the same, and how I didn't think that it was really fair. But she told me that things in my life played out this way because I was suppossed to be in Amherst. I just haven't seen why...
It got me thinking though. How is Umass going to change my future? I mean, I see how it has changed Mindy's life. She met Igor, and I'm almost positive that they will be together for the long run. Is that my reason for being in Amherst? Am I going to meet my future there? I'm just so impatient, so lost in the search for love that it's ridiculous. Maybe that's why I don't ever get the love I'm searching for. I crave it too much that it would be even more dangerous for me to have love than for me to just keep craving it.
I'm not saying that I haven't had guys in my life lately, because that would be a lie. But, with each one...it's failed miserably. Either that, or I haven't wanted it to work. I may crave love, but I'm not gonna force it...I'm choosy. The guys I find are extremely sweet at the beginning, and I fall for it; until they become the jerks they really are. Except for one guy...
In all honesty, he would be the perfect boyfriend. Parents seem to love him (including mine), he's Catholic (like me), parties, is smart, funny, loves sports, and is a genuinely nice person. But no matter how perfect he seems to be, it would never happen and that's mutual. For me, it's probably because he is such a nice guy and I never seem to luck out in that area. He's also lacking in the music department, haha...
It's just weird how fate works. In about a month, I'm going to be 20. What have I really accomplished in my 20 years of existance? I have never been in love. My longest relationships usually last about 2 months. I'm a hopeless romantic, who believes in love, but never finds it. Kinda depressing...I know. I have a lot of guys in my life...that I call friends. And that's it.
2004 was the year of the Blue. Two guys in particular controlled my mind this year, and luckily I can be rid of that completely in 2005. Maybe this will be my year, the year I finally find what I'm looking for. Maybe this year I will realize why I am in Amherst rather than in Worcester at Holy Cross. Maybe this year, things will be different. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|06:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Patriots vs. Jets game on CBS!! | ] |
hehehe, soooo true. Fashion is my specialty...just ask anyone! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|11:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Maybe This Christmas" | ] |
Bold the ones that apply.
I have kissed someone...
on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.
of the opposite sex.
younger than me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair & blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who I had just met.
who was homosexual.
who I didn't really want to kiss.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone else.
who was going out with someone close to me.
who was my good friend's brother or sister.
who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at the beach.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band
who has tattoos.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain.
in another continent besides where I was born.
with an accent.
with an std.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part.
in the movies.
eskimo style.
In other news...Christmas went well, I got a Coach purse (in pink!), Gucci sunglasses, a Coach case for my sumglasses, mucho shoes and clothes, dvds (all the sex and the city ones I needed), and cds and what not...I really don't even remember. But it was good times..I love how I go to family parties and have nothing but alcohol and no one cares, lol. Also, Dan IM'ed me and said that he got a craps table so I'm excited to play that when we get back to the zoo. That should be fun. I think that's about it..gotta get up early tomorrow to do the day-after Christmas shopping thing. Night!! |
|
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| The Lyrics Game! |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | #26 - Usher - "My Way" | ] |
Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play!
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play!
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from!
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly!
P.S: No cheating and pasting the lyrics into a search engine.
1. "Let me take you to a place nice and quiet, there ain't no one there to interrupt, ain't gotta rush, I just wanna take it nice and slow."
2. "There's been times, I'm so confused and all my roads, well they lead to you."
3. "I keep a journal of memories, I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe."
4. "What's this you say, you feel a right to remain, then stay and I will bury you."
5. "All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watching the puddles gather rain."
6. "Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup."
7. " And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do, the words they use so lightly, I only feel for you."
8. "Ever since you've been hangin' around, I've been trying to figure out, what I'm gonna say to you to get some play."
9. "Cause tomorrow's just another day, and I don't believe in time."
10. "You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness, you got yourself into your own mess."
11. "I'm begging you for a little sympathy, 'cause if you use me again it'll be the end of me."
12. "And I don't know if I can do it, oh no I've said too much, I haven't said enough."
13. " I want a new mistake, loose is more than hesitate ,you believe it in your head."
14. "There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how."
15. "Fly, open up the part of you that wants to hide away."
16. "It's breaking your mind, by killing the time that kills you, but you can't blame the time when it's only in your mind."
17. "Half dead and half numb, she's enough to make me warm, it's all so safe and sound."
18. "Homeboy, I came to party, yo girl was lookin' at me."
19. "Wanna keep you flawed with no dough, pimpin ain’t easy, trust me I know."
20. "And I watched as you turned away, you don't remember, but I do, you never even tried."
21. "One, two, three to the fo', Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are at the do'."
22. "I could be fake, I could be stupid, you know I could be just like you."
23. "She fell in love in East LA, to the sounds of the guitar."
24. "So desperately I sing to thee of love, sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self, and I can't keep these feelings on the shelf."
25. "Maybe I'm amazed by the way you're with me all the time, maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you."
Alright, that's the list...and NO CHEATING!!! |
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